LEO:
Apart from being fabulous all month, it's quite likely that people will approach you after Tuesday to tell you how nice you look. Don't let a friend in need get in the way of fun. Get someone less important to do stuff for you.

TAURUS:
The meeting on Friday will cause a minor upset, but everything will calm down in time for the inter-departmental Go-Kart races that evening. Sorry you don't win.

SKODA:
There's no point getting out of bed this week, it's all too grim. Highlight of the week is when a leak causes the ceiling to fall in and destroy your bed. Luckily you're in the bathroom at the time trying to find your tablets in the blocked toilet bowl.

SCORPIO:
On Monday your husband's car radiator bursts leaving him stranded at the side of the B763 and late for a meeting. Inexplicably, the recovery van you pre-booked, after reading this horoscope the previous week, goes to the B673.

LIBRA:
Cancel everything. It's all going to happen next week so there's no point starting anything fresh. Pack your bags, hand in your notice, sell your house and get ready for the time of your life. You lucky, lucky b!!!!!!d.

AQUARIUM:
Yes, your hunch is right. Mary, your girlfriend, is having an affair with Sandra, your best mate Brian's wife. Don't feel bad for Brian though as he's stealing computers from work by sending requisiton orders supposedly signed by you and selling them to people from the back of your van... which you recently lent him.