Before I start, I'd like to apologise to all my loyal fans out there for not having written sooner. It's been a really hectic summer, the big one spent a lot of time away, which was great, the small one kept bringing snacks back from wherever she went each day, which was even better.

On the down side, one day we were in the car going to the shops, or so I thought. Suddenly I found myself standing on a really high cold metal table surrounded by strange beings. They proceeded to poke things up my bottom, pour goo in my eyes, stick spikes in my neck and force-feed me little stones. Funnily enough I have vague memories of something like this happening before. Has this happened to anyone else? I asked the chickens and they reckon it's like something out of the 'Eggs Piles', whatever that means.

Talking of chickens, Cheese has got two new girlfriends, Brie and Belle. He keeps doing stupid dancing in front of them. Brie had something wrong with her legs and so had to live indoors for a while. She got fed all sorts of stuff and got really cross if I tried to help her. She must be getting better now as she's not indoors much. It rains most days so the chickens just hang around under the old car and wait for food. They won't let me join them.